Have you ever noticed your favorite fictional couples sometimes do things that make you feel uncomfortable or that are on the brink of stalking? While it might seem strange, I can guarantee that stalking is present in many of the books and movies you like. In everyday life, stalking can already be incredibly subtle and hard to pick up on. 

In the media, characters that behave in controlling ways to showcase their love, are often portrayed as making a bold first move, or being overly loving, passionate, and supportive. But in reality, their actions often limit other people’s privacy and autonomy, even if it is done as a big romantic gesture or with good intent. 

Because stalking relationship dynamics are normalized in the media, I was curious to see which of my favorite books and movies display stalking behavior, and thought this could be a good way to explore the signs of stalking we may not see at first glance. Stalking is a serious threat to our health and safety and it’s important for us to know what stalking looks like, so we know what to do if it ever happens to us. Recognizing stalking behaviors can also help us to make sure we make an intentional effort to create healthy relationships in our own lives. As I revisited the books and movies I like, I noticed they all had some common signs of stalking, or as I like to call them, “stalking red flags.” So, let’s take a look at the three stalking red flags I found in my favorite media: surveillance, fear, and control.

 

Red Flags in Pop Culture

The Amazing Spiderman 1 & 2 

When I was growing up, one of my favorite movies to watch was The Amazing Spider-Man. I loved the idea of a “nerdy” yearbook kid turning into a superhero overnight and winning over his dream girl. I enjoyed watching Peter save the city while also seeing his relationship with Gwen Stacy unfold. However, when I went to rewatch this movie, I noticed that Peter’s sweet crush on Gwen overlapped with a common stalking red flag. 

icon Red Flag # 1: Being watched, followed, or tracked, either in person or through technology. This is also known as surveillance.

 Early on in the movie, Peter carries around his camera with him wherever he goes. In one clip, he pulls out his camera in the school courtyard and zooms in on his classmate, Gwen Stacey, and takes her picture. While this may seem cute, it is important to remember Gwen did not consent to having her picture taken. Maybe it would have been okay if she asked Peter to take the picture, or if Peter told her he was taking a photo, but not getting her consent is concerning. 

In other movie clips, the viewers see Peter has a picture of Gwen on his personal computer. Although on the surface this looks like signs of “puppy love”, this is actually stalking behavior. You may have posters and pictures of your favorite athletes or artists on your wall or phone, but it is not typical to save photos of people who aren’t public figures, such as the cashier at the grocery store, someone you sat next to on the bus, or a classmate. If you want to take a photo of someone, it is important that you ask for permission first.

 

In the second Spiderman Movie, I remember feeling devastated to find that Peter and Gwen broke up. At one point in the film, Peter and Gwen meet up in the city to chat about moving forward as friends. Gwen asks if Peter has been to a certain restaurant. Peter says no, but then adds, “You love it there.” Gwen then questions Peter about how he knows this information and he says has been following and watching her from the top of buildings a couple times of day.  

When I watched this scene, I was shocked to see Gwen acting so calm about Peter stalking her. I personally would have felt so unsafe and left that get-together and ran straight home!

While it is completely natural to feel devastated after a breakup, it is not okay to follow your ex around. There are better ways to cope with grief, such as looking through old photos and reminiscing on the good times.

 

50 First Dates

Another one of my favorite movies is 50 First Dates, which features Henry Roth (Adam Sandler), a young man who finds himself in love with a woman named Lucy Whitmore (Drew Barrymore). The catch: She has a form of antegrade amnesia that wipes her memory each morning. Lucy can never remember Henry, so each day, he tries to win over her heart. I loved this movie because it shows how love perseveres through all odds, but when I watched the film again recently, I noticed that Henry’s acts of love often made Lucy feel terrified. 

 

iconRed Flag #2: Someone’s behavior causes you to feel afraid, distressed, or in danger. 

 Every time Henry tries to approach Lucy and remind her of their intimate connection, she becomes upset. One example of Henry’s endless persistence is when he stays over at Lucy’s place for a romantic night. In the morning, Lucy wakes up, not knowing the man lying next to her. Lucy jolts out of bed and begins throwing things at him, while he tries to explain they have been seeing each other for a while. Lucy is not convinced, and reasonably so. 

How would you react if a man you didn’t know told you that he was your lover? I, for one, would be so creeped out!

Even though Henry and Lucy have an intimate relationship, his behavior could be considered stalking because Lucy does not recognize Henry, nor does she have a recollection of the time they have spent together. 

Later in the film, Henry comes up with a more considerate method of talking to Lucy about their relationship: Every day he starts showing Lucy a film with proof of  the connection they have. This action is mindful of her disability, but also could be a lot for Lucy to take in all at once. Overall, Henry could have been more respectful of Lucy’s boundaries, such as backing off and giving her some space when she did not want his attention or affection.

 

Twilight

One of my favorite book series in high school was Twilight. I liked that even though Edward is a scary vampire, he loves Bella deeply and always tries to keep her safe. However, when I went back to look at the third book Eclipse, I saw that Edward is actually quite controlling when he tries to  “protect” Bella.

iconRed Flag # 3: Someone controls or manipulates your behavior. For example, someone might limit you from hanging out with friends or family.

In the book, Bella decides she wants to hang out with her werewolf friends at LaPush Beach. When she gets into her truck to leave, she finds it will not start. Edward did not think it was safe for Bella to go to the beach. To keep Bella out of “danger” he messed with the truck’s engine, completely immobilizing the vehicle. Although Edward may have had good intentions, he limited Bella’s sense of control and autonomy and made it impossible for her to drive to spend time with her friends.

In romantic relationships, it is completely normal to want to keep your partner out of harm's way. You can care about their well-being and want the best for them, but it is even more harmful to prevent them from making their own choices about their safety. It would be completely reasonable for Edward to express his concerns about Bella going to LaPush, but ruining her car is scary, dangerous, and hurtful.

 

Stalking on Campus

After reviewing my favorite movies and books, I was surprised to see how many stalking behaviors were present. Now that we have become more familiar with stalking red flags and how it shows up in the media, I hope you feel more confident identifying signs of stalking in your everyday life. But you may be asking yourself, how often does stalking occur in our community? 

According to the National College Health Association (NCHA), 3.8% of college students have experienced stalking within the last 12 months. This shakes out to be around 8,000 college students in Utah. Additionally, this number is higher for women and trans/gender non-conforming individuals. So, what does that mean for us at the University of Utah? In 2024, there were 131 cases of stalking, 97% (128) of which occurred on campus.  

There can be a lot of shame around reporting stalking. When people experience stalking, it often is from those they are close to, such as a romantic partner or friends. It becomes even more complicated to know how to move forward when someone you care about is causing you stress and to fear for your safety. Survivors of stalking might also choose not to report it because they blame themselves for what happened, feel helpless, or believe their experiences aren’t “bad enough” to be deserving of help. So even though these numbers give us an idea of what stalking looks like on campus, they don’t capture the full story of the people who are actively facing it. It is our job to make our campus a place where people feel safe and comfortable reaching out to someone for support if they experience stalking.

 

Resources

No one should ever make you feel watched, afraid, and like you have no control. Instead, relationships should include open communication, boundaries, and respect. It is important to remember you always have the right to privacy and autonomy in your interactions with others. 

If you find yourself a victim of stalking, or even feel unsafe on campus, especially at night, URide is a helpful resource. URide is a free transportation service for any university community member. This service is available from 6am-12:30am (extended until 1:30 am on Fri-Sun). When you request a ride, a vehicle will pick you up wherever you are on campus and transport you safely to your destination. 

Another resource for anyone who is experiencing or has experienced stalking is the Victim Survivor Advocacy (VSA) Program at the Center for Campus Wellness. Through the VSA, you will meet with a Victim Survivor Advocate, a professional who has experience working with all forms of violence, abuse, and harm. Advocates can help you process your experiences, make safety plans, and create a plan for the next steps to take. At the Center for Campus Wellness, you do not have to navigate anything alone. You deserve to feel safe and supported throughout your college experience.

 

A Challenge to Strengthen your Skills

Now, the next time you pick up your favorite book or movie, I encourage you to look closely at the characters and see if you can spot any of the stalking red flags we discussed. What you find just might surprise you more than you think! I also challenge us all to change the narrative around the relationships in our own lives to make sure we all feel the respect and safety we deserve.